Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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