So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
