First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize