I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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