I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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