Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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