please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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