everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
