Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
