just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
