Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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