i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
