I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
