this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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