i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
