there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
