She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
