I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
