Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
