I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
