she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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