I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
