Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize