Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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(445): View more from Pennsylvania

We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off

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(818): View more from California

it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof

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(410): View more from Maryland

ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time

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(917): View more from New York City

Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision

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