Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My cat gives me a boner
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
