it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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