I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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