If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
