I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
