I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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