My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize