you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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