Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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