I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
