i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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