oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
