I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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