Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
