If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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