So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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