Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
