So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
