I heard we made out
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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