I got chris browned last night
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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