guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
