who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
