Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
