im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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