Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
