I'm so fucking centered right now
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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