I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
