omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
