Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
