I looked at my own cervix.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
