Girls should come with a carfax report
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
