we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
