Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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