u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize