one two three fourrrrnication!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
