The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
