i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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