At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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