and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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