Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
