My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
