I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize