Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
