bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
