I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
