He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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