Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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