It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
