If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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