my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
