you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
