dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
