Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Say something about gay babies.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
