mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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