Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
