two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They are going to name an STD after you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize