Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
