Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it glows. i had to have it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
