I look better un-naked...
This house was built for laser tag.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
