she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
