I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
