i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
