my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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