I'm jealous of your bromance
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize