You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
