Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
