everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
