i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think people are normalizing furries
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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