Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
