Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
