whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
