I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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