I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
