Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
