I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
