you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
