I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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