She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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