I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
