yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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