you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
