You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
