I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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