shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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