We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
