4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
