So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
